About Me

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My name is Stephanie. I'm 15 years old. I live in a small town and I have a pretty average life with a not so average past. I'm fine with that.

As of right now...

My name is Stephanie... My best friends, Catie and Kelley are super cool. My twin sister's name is Christina. I don't sleep a lot and when I do I don't sleep well. I have lots of nightmares that I never wake up from and weird dreams that linger in my brain. I'm not ashamed of my past, but don't expect me to broadcast it everywhere. In fact, I may not even share it at all. I'll never admit I like someone to their face. I'll never be happy with the way I look. I'll never have the self-confidence I seek in others. There's not much to tell... but that's my name.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

You're Okay by Me.

Oh gosh.
This is ... I hate this.
I hate this more than you could know.
Well, you may know...
Oh geez.
I just hate this.
He's wonderful.
He's absolutely perfect for me.
And I've been driving myself crazy for the past two weeks just thinking about him non-stop, constantly wondering and daydreaming and questioning if he could ever like me back.
Heck, love me back.
I've never said it before. . . I've never Actually been in love before. But I swear, if this isn't it, then I never want to meet the real thing. This is tormenting enough. It's too hard to be away from him every day, and every day I don't talk to him or he doesn't talk to me, feels like weeks and months. I just want to be around him all the time. I love him. And only Melanie knows anything about it, because she's the only one of my friends who doesn't know him. I couldn't tell anyone else... and it's killing me.
I want to tell him.
I want to tell him that I love him and just be happy with him, and I want him to love me back. It's just so ... nerve-wracking.
I could never say it.
I'm too chicken.
Maybe one day though.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Voice of Nature

Yesterday, Monday, we had a snow day.
And today, Tuesday, we had another snow day.
Now we only have Wednesday (which is a shortened day), Thursday, and Friday (party day) until WINTER BREAK!
I'm so excoited!
I got my mom a coffee maker this year.
And I'm really excited, because this will be the first year I've actually been old enough to know what they want, and rich enough to get it for them. Next year, I'll be even richer because I'll have a job! But I really am gleeful. (:
And yesterday, I went sledding with my sister and my friend, Spazz. Then we went back to my house, had hot chocolate, curled up under the electric blanket and watched Last Holiday. I seriously loved yesterday. Like.. in love.
And today, I spent the day hanging with my older sister, Becca and then she drove me to Miles' house and I hung there.
But I was kind of upset. I've always looked up to him and Shannon as a really cute couple, and he informed me that they just broke up. And it wasn't really a clear reason except for he couldn't feel he could trust her. So I was pretty disgruntled by it.
And when I first met him, I had a HUGE crush on him, but then when he started dating Shannon, I got really comfortable with them as a couple. But now that they're apart, I think he might be interested in me. Though not until I turn 16, because he's turning 18 in April. Idk. He was just REALLY all over me, like tickling me and hugging me and giving me razzles (you know, when someone makes that fart sound on your tummy?) and yeah... and he even asked me when I turned 16, and I remember about 9 months ago he told me he wouldn't date anyone younger than 16. So... yeah. I'm kinda concerned, but I'm not really sure that I'm unhappy with this.
It's a bit frustrating... and I wish he and Shannon were still together.
But they're not.
And I'm not 16 yet.
so there's a good and bad side to this.
Well, I just needed to get that off my chest.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have math homework to do.