About Me

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My name is Stephanie. I'm 15 years old. I live in a small town and I have a pretty average life with a not so average past. I'm fine with that.

As of right now...

My name is Stephanie... My best friends, Catie and Kelley are super cool. My twin sister's name is Christina. I don't sleep a lot and when I do I don't sleep well. I have lots of nightmares that I never wake up from and weird dreams that linger in my brain. I'm not ashamed of my past, but don't expect me to broadcast it everywhere. In fact, I may not even share it at all. I'll never admit I like someone to their face. I'll never be happy with the way I look. I'll never have the self-confidence I seek in others. There's not much to tell... but that's my name.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

You're Okay by Me.

Oh gosh.
This is ... I hate this.
I hate this more than you could know.
Well, you may know...
Oh geez.
I just hate this.
He's wonderful.
He's absolutely perfect for me.
And I've been driving myself crazy for the past two weeks just thinking about him non-stop, constantly wondering and daydreaming and questioning if he could ever like me back.
Heck, love me back.
I've never said it before. . . I've never Actually been in love before. But I swear, if this isn't it, then I never want to meet the real thing. This is tormenting enough. It's too hard to be away from him every day, and every day I don't talk to him or he doesn't talk to me, feels like weeks and months. I just want to be around him all the time. I love him. And only Melanie knows anything about it, because she's the only one of my friends who doesn't know him. I couldn't tell anyone else... and it's killing me.
I want to tell him.
I want to tell him that I love him and just be happy with him, and I want him to love me back. It's just so ... nerve-wracking.
I could never say it.
I'm too chicken.
Maybe one day though.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Voice of Nature

Yesterday, Monday, we had a snow day.
And today, Tuesday, we had another snow day.
Now we only have Wednesday (which is a shortened day), Thursday, and Friday (party day) until WINTER BREAK!
I'm so excoited!
I got my mom a coffee maker this year.
And I'm really excited, because this will be the first year I've actually been old enough to know what they want, and rich enough to get it for them. Next year, I'll be even richer because I'll have a job! But I really am gleeful. (:
And yesterday, I went sledding with my sister and my friend, Spazz. Then we went back to my house, had hot chocolate, curled up under the electric blanket and watched Last Holiday. I seriously loved yesterday. Like.. in love.
And today, I spent the day hanging with my older sister, Becca and then she drove me to Miles' house and I hung there.
But I was kind of upset. I've always looked up to him and Shannon as a really cute couple, and he informed me that they just broke up. And it wasn't really a clear reason except for he couldn't feel he could trust her. So I was pretty disgruntled by it.
And when I first met him, I had a HUGE crush on him, but then when he started dating Shannon, I got really comfortable with them as a couple. But now that they're apart, I think he might be interested in me. Though not until I turn 16, because he's turning 18 in April. Idk. He was just REALLY all over me, like tickling me and hugging me and giving me razzles (you know, when someone makes that fart sound on your tummy?) and yeah... and he even asked me when I turned 16, and I remember about 9 months ago he told me he wouldn't date anyone younger than 16. So... yeah. I'm kinda concerned, but I'm not really sure that I'm unhappy with this.
It's a bit frustrating... and I wish he and Shannon were still together.
But they're not.
And I'm not 16 yet.
so there's a good and bad side to this.
Well, I just needed to get that off my chest.
So, if you'll excuse me, I have math homework to do.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Odd One

I feel like I don't fit.
I know that's cliche, and saying that's cliche is cliche.
But it's kinda the truth.
I'm odd.
I'm not like everyone else or anyone else.
I say things that these kids have never heard of.
And it's not big things, nothing someone would talk about..
it's just small things.
Like saying it is instead of it's.
or saying thank you and never thanks.
And saying thank you after a teacher allows me to go to the restroom.
And saying quite well instead of good.
And doing things without seeing it happening.
That happens a lot.
Where I'll do something, like perform a skit in drama class, or return my calculator to it's bin in Geometry, and after I sit back down and think about it, I'll realize that I wasn't looking at all at what I was doing. I'll try to remember where I was looking, and all I'll get is maybe one snapshot. It's odd.
And then I'll remember things that no one else does, because it is the most useless information ever.
For instance, I knew this kid Zack's 5th and 6th hour, and I only ever talked to him in 4th hour. He mentioned once that he had Algebra II right after our class, and I remembered that because our class was Geometry and I thought it odd to have two math classes in a row. And then one day I saw him doing Chemistry homework and deducted that it had to be his 6th hour because he wouldn't be doing homework in fourth hour if it wasn't due that day. And 6th hour was the only class left after 4 and 5.
And so one day we were talking about his Chemistry class, and I casually asked if he had it 6th hour, and I was right. He freaked out and called me a wizard, and then I told him that I knew his 5th hour was Algebra II also. He thought it was amazing.
And that's just one instance. I remember tons of useless information like that.
I'm odd.
It feels like I don't belong...
but I think I like it that way.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday Sunny Day.

Ever had one of those days where you've done so much, but you feel like you've done nothing in years?
That's what today was.
It was one of those "Blah" days.
Last night I spent the night at Miles, and Shannon (his gf) did too.
And when I woke up, I got in a fight with Kelley, because for some reason she made a Really big deal about me spending the night at Miles' house... which I have no idea why. And then she accused me of changing. And she told me she's moving away at semester end. Anndd. she told me she almost hooked up with her 18 year old (she's 15) ex boyfriend, and drank with him.
They haven't even talked in five months, they went out for like 4 days and they broke up because she found out he had a kid he didn't mention.
So I got really fucking pissed at her for making such a fucking stupid decision and NOT EVEN TELLING ME ABOUT IT.
Thought we were supposed to be best friends.
Anyway, I calmed down and read an entire book today.
It was Forever by Judy Blume. . .
And I realized I am SO ready for a boyfriend.
Hanging with Shannon and Miles got me thinking about it, because they are just so cute and so perfect together.
And that stupid book confirmed it.
I won't say I'm lonely, even if that's the truth.
I accidentally posted My Boy's name as my status on facebook... he commented. I liked one of his photos and one of his statuses and commented on one of them. We talked in class a few times last week.
Maybe I'll pursue it further.. I'll wait two weeks and if nothing has Really happened, I'll send him a message on Facebook. And we'll start talking.
And, you remember Jaguar? Well Catie still talks to him. And they're like Dawgs and he invited her to ice skating this winter, and she invited me.
We'll see what happens.
I wish I lived in the 70's when everything was very casual.

Monday, October 18, 2010


It was okay.
I went with Kelley, Melanie, CollintheLiar and some other kids.
Kelley and I got ready at my house.
and then we went to Melanie's.
There was like 10-20 people there.
And we went to the school in an RV.
It was pretty rad.
I didn't dance with Eyecandy, though I kinda/sorta almost did.. in that if Melanie had been able to find me, I would have.
And My Boy wasn't even there...
But that's okay.
And that was Saturday.
Sunday I hung out with Miles and Shannon, his girlfriend.
I had a good time. Shannon threw up twice.
And then that night(lastnight) I threw up at 2:30am.
And now I'm home from school.
so yeah.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Have you got spirit?
Romeo's classy.
Monday: Class shirt Day
Tuesday: Neon Day
Wednesday: Jungle Day
Thursday: Class Color Day
Friday: Homecoming Shirt Day

I didn't dress up for Monday.... I don't have a class shirt.
Today, Tuesday, I wore my neon yellow soccer socks, a grey skirt, and neon green soccer jersey with grey boots.
Tomorrow, I'm wearing my leopard print SNUGGIE! :::DDDD
Thursday, I'm wearing allllll green. Cuz Sophomores are green this year.
And Friday... well I'm just wearing normal clothes.

And then Saturday is HOMECOMING DANCE!!
Catie, Kelley and I are going<3
No one has asked any of us, but that's quite alright, quite alright.
Dates would ruin the trio thing.
Christina's not even going... that buttface.
But yeah. I just had to share this detail of the snuggie.

Monday, September 27, 2010

So this whole "every weekday" thing ...
isn't working out.
so how about every week?
And we'll call it even?
I thought so.
Eyecandy called me pretty today.
Well... he agreed that I was pretty.
And it was behind my back, so you know it was true!
Cuz Kelley and her friend Britney were talking about me,
(Kelley, fully aware that Eyecandy was listening in)
and she brought up that I was a good drawer and she and Britney started ooh-ing and aw-ing over that. And then Kelley said I was pretty.
Britney said something (I don't remember what, something like "Oh yeah, I know right?!")
And Then Eyecandy said "yeah."
I know it's nothing.
But it actually is something!
Cuz Eyecandy doesn't do that sort of stuff!
He doesn't usually talk ... like at all.
And he could've just stayed silent since he wasn't actually part of the conversation.
But no.
He agreed to me being pretty:)
It made my heart smile.