About Me

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My name is Stephanie. I'm 15 years old. I live in a small town and I have a pretty average life with a not so average past. I'm fine with that.

As of right now...

My name is Stephanie... My best friends, Catie and Kelley are super cool. My twin sister's name is Christina. I don't sleep a lot and when I do I don't sleep well. I have lots of nightmares that I never wake up from and weird dreams that linger in my brain. I'm not ashamed of my past, but don't expect me to broadcast it everywhere. In fact, I may not even share it at all. I'll never admit I like someone to their face. I'll never be happy with the way I look. I'll never have the self-confidence I seek in others. There's not much to tell... but that's my name.

Monday, August 30, 2010


Screw Driver's Training.
Screw Jaguar.
Screw Facebook.
Facebook sucks.
I knew myspace was better.
Stupid relationship statuses.
14 hours.
That's how much I missed him by.
14 hours ago, he's "married" to some chick.
14 fucking hours.
Maybe its a joke.
Maybe its the worst joke I've ever heard of.
Maybe I'm crying for nothing.
Maybe I should stop.
Maybe I can't.


Is this ridiculous?
Catie told me she wants me and Jaguar together.
And she said she will break into our dt class if she had to
and put my number in his phone.
Then she got off myyearbook
and disappeared for a few moments.
My thoughts:
She's on Facebook!
She's talking to him on Facebook!
then she texts me

Guess what?


I was so excited that I started laughing.
And then I was scared so I started crying.
And I was borderline happy and sad.
and I was shaking.
She texts back.
Nothing about Jaguar at all.
Something about her guy, Aaron.
I started crying harder.
And now I feel embarrassed
and ashamed.
I shouldn't be feeling so strongly for Jaguar.
Maybe I should just give up.
And cry.
And stop playing with my own emotions.

Time After Time.

I love that song.
It's awesome.
And once again, I'm in one of my 'moods'
Where all I think about is how much I like the guy I like.
Oh, Jaguar.
What are you thinking about right now?
Is it me?
I hope so.
I wish so.
I'll be thinking of you tonight. I'll be dreaming of you tonight. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'll be dreaming of you tomorrow.

If you're lost you can look and you will find me.
Time after time.
If you fall I will catch you.
I'll be waiting.
Time after time.

Maybe you don't know what I'm thinking. But I really wish you would be thinking the same thing.

I hate this mood. I get into it every time I stay up too late and listen to romantic music.
I hate this mood because I usually end up disappointed.


Okay, so I haven't posted this because my internet was down when it happened and I kinda forgot till now.
But that cute guy in my Driver's Training class
(we'll call him Jaguar, cuz Kelley says he looks like one)
and I drove together.
That's right.
That day I had to wake up at 5am on a Saturday,
I drove with him.
And oh my poseidon.
He is gorgeous.
He is beyond gorgeous.
He is breathtaking.
Christina says he looks like Christofer Drew (nevershoutnever)
but I think he's a milliontimes better.
I'm just sad because he and I only talked once at the drive and once afterwards.
Here are our two (fabulous) conversations.

Jaguar: "Do you want to drive first?"

"No, I mean, I don't really care."
"Okay, well then I will."

Next one.
Me: "Hey, Jaguar, how do you think I drove?"
"Oh, I thought you did well."
"Really? Anything bad about it?"
"Haha, well when you pulled out of the parking space..."
"Oh yeah, haha. I was nervous."
"Me too."
"You weren't scared for your life though?"
"Mm.. no."

And that's it. :T It's been more than a week since then... and all we've done yet is exchange looks. But Catie did add him on Facebook!
Apparently he's a grade lower than me and in a different school... but I can live with that.
Yeah, he is that perfect.
If only I was.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


I got a new kitten:)
My birthday party was yesterday.
And even though my birthday isn't for a few days, I still got tons of cool gifts.
I got $60, a necklace, a cool little skateboard, and a new Kitten!!
And Kelley's gift is still in the mail...
but she's getting me plugs.

Size 4g.
And I'm going to use my money to buy 2gs and 0gs. Maybe even some 00gs.
But I love my new kitten.
His name is Harlem, and he refuses to come out of my room.
I think it's adorable.

Friday, August 20, 2010


This past week my sleeping schedule has been all over the place. Monday, I started driver's training which starts at 10:30 and ends at 12:30.
Of course, the first day I needed to look good (in case of cute guys) so I woke up at 8am after staying up until 4am the night before.
Turns out, there's this Reallyy cute guy there.
So, I need to look good everday, and therefore wake up every day at 8am.
Unless I drive at 8am, then I wake up at 6am.
So, here's my sleeping schedule for this week:

Fell asleep @ 4am
Woke up @ 8am

Fell asleep @ 2am
Woke up @ 8am
Napped for 2 hours @ 2pm

Fell asleep @ 2am
Woke up @ 6am
Napped for 4 hours @ 1pm

Fell asleep @ 3am
Woke up @ 8am
Fell asleep @ 8pm

Woke up @ 2am
Talked to Miles for around an hour
Watched TV
Fell asleep @ 6am
Woke up @ 12pm

Tomorrow, I have to wake up at 5am to drive at 7am and I have no idea what time I'll go to bed tonight. All I know is, with driver's training, back to school, my birthday party coming up, and soccer practice, I'm a busy little camper... Or is it a bee?
I don't know.
I'm too tired to remember.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


So my first drive went well.
I drove on the highway, did stop and go turns, moving turns, even went through the roundabouts. The only thing I even came close to crashing into was a curb, and that was in a secluded parking lot. So it hardly even counts.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Drive in the Morning.

I'm going to drive today... for an hour... at 8am.
It's 7:18 right now and needless to say I'm kinda not excited for it.
It's too damn early.
And I'm REALLY cold.
I hope I don't kill anyone... who's not a hooker.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Drive Over Me.

Today is my first day of Driver's Training.
I've only ever driven once before.
and that was 3 days ago.
I screamed the entire time, almost hit four people, one car, ran two stop signs and drove on the wrong side of the road.
So yeah...
Christina and Kelley are going to be in my class and Catie gets her license in two months.
I hope I don't kill our teacher or any children...
Wish me luck.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

R.I.P. Catie's Mom

Today, I had a talk with my mom.
I had the responsibility of telling her that Catie's mom died.
This happened last Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010.
My mom and I started talking about how it happened and how Catie was doing when I realized something.
Though it was a very unfortunate incident, Catie was lucky to have as many people around as she did. Her two older sisters, her older brother, her younger sister, her mom's boyfriend, and her dad have all been hanging around the house. And she and her younger sister, Leah, plan to continue living in the same house with her mom's boyfriend.
If it doesn't work out, though, she'll go to live with her dad. And even he isn't that far away, just about 6 miles. She'd still go to our school. It'd be difficult to see her, and quite a change from the mile and a half bike ride it is to her house, but still.
However, if I ever lost my mom, (Poseidon forbid), I would have to move down to South Carolina and live with my dad.
Christina would come too, and depending on how much money she can scrape together, my older sister Becca would also have to come live with us.
But I'm not gonna dwell on the What Ifs and Could Be's.
There's just no time for it.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Have you ever tried to push down those little bubbles that come on the plastic lids from fast food places... with your tongue?
I think I shall try this tomorrow when I go to Sonic.
Plus, I'm going to see The Other Guys.
With my mom and Christina.


So I've been listening to this song a lot lately
Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah
And it really makes me feel...
I don't know.
No, not depressed.
I feel empty... yet thoughtful.
It makes my heart ache.
Maybe, because, for the first time
since my breakup with Cody
I feel absolutely

Thursday, August 5, 2010


I went on a bike ride tonight.
I scraped up my leg:T
Wasn't even on my bike when it happened.
But Catie, my best friend, her brother, Robby, and his friend Brian and I all rode our bikes down this bike trail and it was like midnight: pitch black.
We got off to visit this graffiti sight and it was pretty much downhill covered with loose gravel.
Needless to say, with me being one of the unluckiest and clumsiest kids anybody knows, I slipped.
My leg and foot got scraped and I started bleeding.
Rob bent down to check it out and I was leaning over him to see it too, and when he stood back up, the back of his head hit me straight in the nose.
But he hugged me to make it better...
it helped.
Also, a few nights ago, I was riding my bike home from Catie's (again in the dark) and I must've been daydreaming or extremely lost in thought because all of a sudden, I realized I'm headed straight for a car!
dun Dun DUNN!
I swerve to try and miss, but my arm hit the mirror and it broke off, and I flew off my bike.
I couldn't just ditch, there had been two witnesses, both questioning my physical health.
So I marched up to the house and brought them the mirror.
Luckily they weren't bitches, and the old lady just dismissed me...
kinda like she didn't want me there...
kinda like she wanted to be alone...
kinda like she was killing someone...

OH YEAH! I forgot...

I broke up with my boyfriend.
Mhm, dumped him.
About a week and a half ago.
I just couldn't see me and him like other couples.
The feelings just weren't really there.
So yeah, it was through Text Message.
I know.
But I couldn't wait until we met up in person, cuz he lives a few miles away and it was always such a hassle for us to meet up with each other.
So via text was easiest, even if it is turribull.

Computer FAIL!

Okay, so my computer has been shit-tastic this past week. Christina, my twin, went on some site that infected us with trojans and viruses and crap.
But it's back now!
I'll be ready to invade your minds with little hoohas and doodads.
First thing I want to say: Pinch, poke, you owe me a coke.
One time my friend said that to me, while pinching and poking me, so I decided to find a way to shut her up. First thing I did: try and poke her.
Second thing that happened: I poked her tooth.
First thing that popped out of my mouth: Touch your tooth, you owe me a blowjob, fucker!
Yeah. . .
That shut her up.
Second thing I want to say: If you touch your tongue while yawning, you stop mid-yawn.
It's quite remarkable.
I used to always have to wait if I wanted to talk till I was done yawning.
Now if I want to say something, and that bastard yawn sneaks up on me, I can just poke my tongue and bam!
But if I touch my tooth, I owe myself a blowjob.... fucker.
Third thing I wanted to say: ... hm. I forgot.
Juggalos suck...
just sayin.
The reason I say this is cuz there's this guy talking to me RIGHT NOW. and he is a 'juggalo'
and I've hated him since the 6th grade.
So yeah.
And the only other 'juggalos' I know of are complete billhillies.
But, before I get in a bad mood, I'm going to leave.